Hiiiii, I’m really back=)) I haven’t updated for such a long time. Although I’m in dire need of writing something down in English, my mind is empty😤. I can’t come up with any ideas. It’s quite weird, right? 🥑Thanks to God, I’m in the mood for brainstorming, so this blog is quite random🗯️ 🥑Two months ago, I was under pressure a lot. However, the matter was I even didn’t know why🤔. Sometimes, I couldn’t control and regulate my emotions. I literally shed my tears, cried, and burst into tears for no reason. Maybe I was at the transitional phase 👩🦰together with the side-effects of puberty?? I also guessed that I was too ambitious and unconfident about myself. And all of that seemingly made me exhausted.
🥝I wanted to look fashionable 💃like this girl.
🥝I wanted to be excellent👩🏫 at Maths like him.
🥝I wanted to gain the first prizin🥇 the English competition in my school.
🥝I wanted to be perfect….
Everything was too overwhelming to me to make all of that happen. At one point, I laid in bed, scrolled social media platforms with no intention in mind👀, and even ignored all exercises in the class. I wasn’t kidding but I really wanna shook everything off kind of just went with the flow. I was hesitant to make the decision and I always wondered if I was on the right track. The feeling of getting nothing back after efforts was something that made me obsessed. I didn’t have the first idea about what I had to do to make my dreams come true. Everything became far-fetch and delusional 🤯to me.
🥑And then I was jealous with my classmates around me. I was impotent and hard on myself: Why I couldn’t be talented like her
Why I couldn’t have good marks like him
Why I couldn’t solve math problems as fast as them
That forced me to exert myself just to look like them, just to get right, and just to get high. My sole preoccupation at that time was how to be impeccable or how to win the spotlight in my E class. As a consequence, my spirit, my mood, and my energy were affected negatively. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that I was facing a crisis about my mental condition. It was ME that created pressure for myself accidentally. I was actually too ambitious.🤔
After all of that, I found my life wasn’t OK at all. I asked myself: hey Chau "was it the life that you really enjoy". NOOOO, hands down. That’s why I decided to change my perceptions and viewpoints about the definition of success, about a happy life. As I’m sure you guys relate that life is too short to waste every single moment. I wholeheartedly believe that everyone has their own damn problems. The reason why I buy into it was I experienced that. Let’s take a look at my own experience. After gaining the first prize in the E contest in my school, I was showered with praises from my friends and teachers which I was so thankful for. However, through that, some of my friends found my E knowledge good as a default. They assumed that I did E exercises without making mistakes. Deep down, my E was so normal and what I knew was a drop in the ocean🌊 I still felt apprehensive about all E skills. I still couldn’t speak naturally as my crush, and I still couldn’t listen to E as well as my opponent. Some of my friends thought my E was excellent. That was why I did my best to come up to their expectation. I felt ashamed and embarrassed when getting bad marks in E or when doing E exercises incorrectly.
And I realized that no matter how good you are, you always have one problem. I used to think my friend was so happy, so lucky but I never knew unless I walked in her shoe, right?? 🥑I practiced looking on the bright side🌈 to make everything easier. I lowered my ambition and had an insight into my limit. Instead of feeling jealousy, I turned envy into motivation to develop myself. I spent more time focusing on myself, listening to my inner voice🎶, and quietening my mind so as to balance between studying and entertaining. When I DIDN’T consider other achievements as a standard, the result was beyond my expectation because I could do better than I thought. I could totally edit videos or make kimbap that my mom and brother loved it. Happiness is when I can know myself at a deeper level and I can feel content with my own life. YOLO…. So it’s necessary for me to enjoy my life if I don’t want to live out of regret when being old. To me, the best way to enjoy my life is be honest to my emotion:
Watching a movie 🎞️and eating some snack when being sad
Taking a rest 🛌when being exhausted
Sipping a cup of tea☕ and reading a book when being confused
Unwinding with your cute friends when being available
Cooking a full meal 🍱when being bored
Decorating 🏠your room/ dancing/singing when being chilled…
תגובות